Aloha and the Art of Remembering: A Healer’s Pilgrimage to Kauai

Remembering My Divinity Through Grief, Cacao, and Feminine Flow

It began with a dream and a prayer tucked in a goddess sculpted vase. A manifesting jar. I felt the call, the ache to be rejoined with the island of Kauai and the spirit of Aloha. What unfolded was a pilgrimage - a 12-day sacred return to the island and myself. A journey of remembering, of softening, grieving, and reclaiming. A journey of Aloha.

I write this in the afterglow. Love still overflows from within my body. Still riding the waves of heart-opening, soul-quickening, breath-taking presence. And I write to offer my overflow to you. To those in my community seeking healing. Seeking softness. Seeking connection to the Divine within.

The Call: A Prayer for Wholeness

The last time I stepped foot on Kauai, I left in resistance and tears. Having just experienced my goddess while hiking in the rainforest barefoot, and within the intimate container of sacred vow renewal with my husband of now 16-years. I longed for more of the sacred connection the island had offered me, what I now understand as an ache for, and of, the feminine. It was the power of the islands the first time around, on my honeymoon, that opened me to this new way of being. To Aloha. Where only love flows, just like lava. I longed to feel this deep union with my sacred feminine once again.

Reclamation: Saying Yes and No with Sacred Fire

Before this pilgrimage began, I co-facilitated Reclamation with two of my healer sisters, Zandra and Rachel. Together, we created an intimate and sacred container for women to come home to themselves. We drummed. We cried. We screamed, howled, and roared. We made deep, raw eye contact. And we dared to be fully witnessed. I danced and drummed like my heart has never drummed before. It was in those drum beats that I reclaimed the sovereign healer I am, not one who operates from power over, but from power within and beside. This wisdom was gained not by reading books or attending workshops. Rather it was a path forged in fire, surrender, and truth. My own path to remembering me.

Grief, the Body, and the Medicine of Aloha

On the first morning in Kauai, I woke in grief of my beloved dog, Chopper. Recalling how much he mirrored me. His tummy aches were my tummy aches. His anxiety, mine. I didn’t know how to care for him then. I didn’t know how to care for myself.

Now, I do. I understand now, how much I would "do" differently. How I could have loved him better, how he showed me the path to loving myself more fully.

And just as I began to allow the grief to soften me, and almost as soon as we closed the container of Reclamation in sacred vows of sovereignty, my own tummy began to ache. A healing crisis. One that led me to humbly accept Western medicine intervention. A softening. A reminder that surrender, allowing, and softening is not weakness. It's what is needed to allow more love in to flow.

And then came Mother’s Day. Another breaking wave of grief. The ache of the mother wound. Both the longing and the ache of not experiencing human life within my own womb. I wept for my me, and my sisters. For the tender places within myself. I allowed it all. I allowed my sweet inner child to feel the longing of a mother's secure love. I felt the grief and the ache of ruptured relationships with sisters and friends. I took a little space to feel the collective feminine wound that impacts us all. I allowed myself to be witnessed in my grief by my beloved and my goddess. And then I allowed love to return and flow once again. This is the rhythm of Aloha.

Cacao, Connection, and Enoughness

I returned to myself through the sweet practice of Lomi Lomi. I felt love and the sacred fill my vessel. Returning me to wholeness. I am still not exactly sure what happened when my belly button was manipulated, something within me quickened, stirred, and awakened. Time and reverence for the sacred land followed.

I spent a day communing with the spirit of cacao. My body absorbed its rich nutrients, my heart was held in its tenderness, and my spirit lifted by bliss circulating through my blood. My desire to bring my community into a deeper relationship with this plant medicine was reinvigorated and a new vision born. To create a longer term container for others to experience the power of this plant medicine and be transformed.

Integration: The Bliss of Being Fully Here

Unlike the last time I left Kauai, this time I didn’t feel the ache of not-enough. I felt the fullness of my presence, alive in every sacred moment. I left not with longing, but with remembrance. Of who I am. Of who I’ve always been. I left recommitted to the path I have forged. In truth. In love. In service. In ministry.

Grief moved. Love expanded. And now, a deeper bliss is accessible within my being. I felt it last night in the pool at the Marsh during Ai Chi. A new state of being beginning to emerge. My next journey: a week long immersive tantra training. I continue this walk of the priestess and medicine woman in ecstatic embodiment, sacred union, and spiritual sovereignty.

From My Overflowing Heart to Yours

I share this as a love letter from my heart to yours. As a reminder that your path is holy. That your grief, your body, your longing, they’re not problems to solve but portals to wholeness. The ache and longing is real. It's holy and sacred.

Ready to begin your own healing journey?

If you feel called to sit with cacao, reclaim your sacred feminine, or walk your own path of remembrance, I invite you to step into sacred space with me.

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